Back in the 50's we'd see German camera manufacturers include technical manuals that were quite poorly translated into English. Today European products seem to make it here (North America) with manuals that are more useful than entertaining. Fortunately, China has stepped into the gap left by Germany in the 1950s and Japan in the 1960s. I've collected a few of these here for your chuckling.
- Look at yer lame self!
- What -are- sitting feelings? Other than comfortable?
- All right then, sitting comfortably? Got a good lame view? Then clean your face!
- And where exactly might one move this stick?
- My Friend David Johnson sent this little treasure. With the "cheap, fast & easy" was it meant to be a joke?
- My daughter Martha found this one for me. It's great just for the marketing-speak: "It has become the slap-up neccessity of kitchen in modern times."
- Some like this aren't all that funny but the use of words in inappropriae context is amusing. "Tender feel make it be used abroad." Note the placement of the item number in the tiny image of a computer monitor to try an lend an air of "high tech" to the product and the "1 Free 1" rondel at the bottom of the front label. That's baffling.
The small print reads "Efficiency of Micro Fibre for perfect wiping. Synthetic leather has been the first applicationof micro-fibre in fibre industry. Now micro-fibre is widely used in various application from woman's wear to industrial materials utilizing its soft and flexible surface."
- The foks at Sabre products in St. Laurent, Quebec really should look after packaging their wonderful products themselves. Instead they've left the job to their contracted manufactureers in China with the result that you now must "groon" your beloved pet.
Here Stella, here girl... time to get grooned.
Hold still, damn it.
- We were lookingfor a bit of relief from the mosquitos at the cottage and bought this cheap knock-off of the green Off coils. Now, of course, we're in a bind as the instructions tell us we must use it in a large well ventilated room but then tells us we can't use it indoors. That's OK; we find it nice just hanging there un-lit. The mosquitoes enjoy it more too.
- Here's one brought to you by my friend Marcus Vichert. He took the picture at that Mac store on Eastern Ave. A bit of hi-tech for your dumb packaging enjoyment:
"No says just feeling". Well, I guess that says it all! Thanks!
- Another one that Marcus found in a store in Montreal:
If anyone knows what or who a Pocari is please let me know.
- It's good to indicate the flavour, colour, smell or sound of a product but this blue candle (oddly not green) tells us that it is pine flavoured.
- It's my apron. Hmm. I guess that makes me...
Not even to explore the organisation of a well.
- This one is hard to read so bears repeating:
"Facillitate Life Enjoy Your Life
Specially using for machine-wash. This bag can prevent your undeware or bra from damaging.
Sweet washing bag
Specially for under wares & stockings
Prevent from frame-changing
Product's material and operation instrodution
This product is made of Totolon,a Circle is
sewed inside which can prevent the shape
from being changed when you wash it in
the washing machine.
It is necessary to subject to the map to fold it
when wash it in the bag
two thirds of capacity of the net is enwgh,
put some laundry detergent on the most dirty
part, then put it into the bag. It is easy to
be cleaned ,and can save a lot of time
and labour, so called the precicns of lady."
There are no typos in the preceding text. That's what's on the package.
I've alway's wanted my own precicns of lady.
- The Magic Laundy Balls! This was our first and is still our favourite.
The front of the package is harmless enough, except for reversing the order of their photos but the instructions on the back are truly rich. I especially like the recommendation that 4 balls be used when they are sold in a package of 3. Just like the 8 hot-dog and 6 bun conspiracy I think or maybe like that "grassy knoll" thing.
-
Bibulousness! Imagine that. How have most of you lived without this incredible item so far? The claims are pretty great. Antibacterial eh?
.
Webster's says:
- I work in an IT department where we find good technical instructions are invaluable. This isn't :
- Look, we got a new teapot! This isn't as outrageous as as some of these others but it's still pretty silly:
I'm still waiting for the functions to multiply.
- This is the label from a silly pink mathtub safety mat
"Bring faat a new feeling" (I think faat are at the bottom of your legs.)
"Vogue Environmental...bathes the room"
"Exquisitely made from PVC, has the nice nonskid effect, no toxic, taste or corrosiveness, soft, comfort and elastic, let your foot feelcomfort. It can be spread on any place for resisting slip (such as stair landing, step, bathroom, lobby etc). It is flexible and practical, elegant and decent, is the neccessity in modern family."
Have you got any great examples like these? I'd love to hear about them.
